Theos-Talk Archives (November 1997 Message tl00014)

Oops! Nicole, I meant to say I'm *not* 100% sure of what you meant.

Sometimes what you say is not what you mean. Reminds me of the following
taken from actual signs across the U.S.:

At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the
manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
workmanship."

At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store:
"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."

[EdNote: this one seen in Yankton, SD]
On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is
extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
graves."

On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school:
"No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says,
"Do not throw stones at this sign."